As Christian women, we often view our churches as sanctuaries—places of refuge where we can find comfort, support, and spiritual nourishment.
However, even within these sacred spaces, we may encounter behavior that feels hurtful, exclusionary, or even mildly bullying.
This disconnect between our expectations and reality can be deeply unsettling and painful.
It’s crucial to first acknowledge the validity of these feelings.
The Book of Psalms often gives voice to hurt and frustration, showing us that it’s okay to express our pain to God.
As David writes in Psalm 55:12-14 (NIV):
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.”
This passage reminds us that hurt from those close to us, especially within the church, can feel particularly deep. The sting of rejection or unkindness from fellow believers can be more painful than similar treatment from those outside our faith community.
While it’s important to acknowledge our pain, as Christian women, we’re called to view our experiences through the lens of Scripture.
This doesn’t mean dismissing or minimizing our hurt, but rather framing it within the larger context of our faith and God’s plan for our lives.
The apostle Paul reminds us in Romans 3:23 (NIV):
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
This verse serves as a humbling reminder that every person in our church community, including ourselves, is flawed and in need of God’s grace.
As we approached a past Presidential election in the United States, I was shocked at what a prominent woman in my church wrote as a comment on one of my social media posts. (audible sigh – social media can take us down – quickly).
How did I handle it?
Not very well.
I “unfriended” her and created my own post about how I felt without naming her. But a few other women were aware of whom I was referring to (they had seen the comment) and sent me encouraging DMs.
Fast forward to a women’s retreat, and there were women who pretended not to see me and were cold if I approached them. It was painful and confusing – and I felt unwelcome, which always hurts.
It’s important to address how the heightened political climate can sometimes exacerbate feelings of division and tension, even within our church communities.
The intense partisanship and often harsh rhetoric surrounding elections have, unfortunately, seeped into many aspects of our lives, including our faith spaces.
During this time, I’ve personally witnessed and heard from fellow Christian women about experiences that felt like subtle bullying or exclusion based on political views.
Some have felt pressured to support particular candidates or policies, while others have been made to feel unwelcome or less spiritual for their political leanings.
This type of behavior, while perhaps not intended as bullying, can nonetheless leave deep emotional scars and create rifts in our church families.
It’s crucial to remember that our ultimate allegiance is to Christ, not to any political party or candidate.
As the apostle Paul reminds us in Philippians 3:20 (NIV):
“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.”
This perspective can help us maintain unity in the body of Christ, even when we disagree on earthly political matters.
In many church communities, we often find what could be described as an “alpha female” in ministry – a woman who naturally takes on leadership roles, exerts significant influence, and is deeply involved in various aspects of church life.
While this dynamic can sometimes contribute to feelings of exclusion or mild bullying for others, it’s important to recognize that God can and does use these strong personalities for His purposes.
The concept of an “alpha” leader in the church isn’t new.
We see examples in Scripture of women who took on prominent roles in ministry and leadership.
Deborah, a prophet and judge in Israel (Judges 4-5), Priscilla, who taught alongside her husband (Acts 18:26), and Phoebe, a deacon in the early church (Romans 16:1-2), all exemplify how God uses women with strong leadership qualities.
However, it’s crucial to understand that leadership in the church should always be characterized by servanthood, as Jesus taught in Mark 10:42-45 (NIV):
“Jesus called them together and said, ‘You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.'”
If you find yourself in a church where an “alpha female” seems to dominate:
- consider recognizing her gifts,
- praying for her,
- communicating openly,
- finding your own niche,
- and extending grace.
You can do this – (and so can I!) and you can ask the Holy Spirit to help you move past any resistance you may have in these areas!
If you are the woman others might perceive as the “alpha,” strive to lead with humility, mentor others, be approachable, and seek feedback.
As we navigate these challenging situations, here are some practical steps we can all take:
1. Pray for wisdom and guidance. James 1:5 (NIV) assures us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
2. Seek reconciliation when possible. Matthew 18:15-17 outlines a process for addressing conflicts within the church community.
3. Forgive, even if the other person doesn’t ask for forgiveness. Colossians 3:13 (NIV) instructs us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
4. Focus on your own spiritual growth. Use this challenge as an opportunity to deepen your faith and practice Christ-like love.
5. If the situation persists or worsens, don’t hesitate to seek help from church leadership or a trusted spiritual advisor.
Remember, dear sisters, that our ultimate worth and acceptance come from God, not from others. As Paul writes in Ephesians 1:6 (NIV):
God has made us “accepted in the Beloved.” Let this truth comfort and strengthen you as you navigate challenging interpersonal dynamics within the church.
In conclusion, while experiencing hurt within our church families can be deeply painful, maintaining a biblical perspective can help us respond with grace, grow in our faith, and ultimately contribute to a more loving and Christ-like community.
As we navigate these challenges, may we always keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, “the author and perfecter of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2, NIV).
Through Him, we can find the strength to overcome hurt, extend grace to others, and continue growing in our faith journey.
In these challenging times, let’s commit to being peacemakers in our churches and communities, always seeking to build bridges rather than walls. By doing so, we can be a powerful witness to the transformative love of Christ in a divided world.
Image courtesy of RiaKartika at Pixabay